I saw pdoc today. I kept pacing his office when we were talking and told him I keep ruminating about bad memories. I told him maybe my stepmother should have killed me. Maybe I should have tried harder to take my life while in hospital because I tried. Maybe I’d be better off. I told him how panicky I am.

He asked a ton of questions. Then he said stop taking the propanalol four times a Day and start Valium
Twice a day. I got it filled. Here’s to hoping it helps with this panic.