i love you guys... you have been such strong supporters for me. i have friends but none that i talk to, you know?

this med/hormone/med/hormone/garbage is making me into someone else... i don't understand myself and i sometimes dont' recognize myself.

PC is confusing for me right now. My "normal" personality is difficult for some people to understand and/or accept the best of times... and as painful as that may be, i am ok with it generally. i have arguments or debates more than average and that is ok, i have strong opinions and i'm vocal... and honestly, being the sort of artist i am, i have to be that way.. it's ideally suited for it. i say a lot that the aspects of me which rub some wrong are part of the same thing which makes me succeed where others faulter (sp?). i'm bold and "out there," all of which i am ok with... i usually let things roll off me when it isn't people i am close to or care about...

but lately, especially these past three or four days... i am not me... not myself. i am usually so benign and cheery.. but i am hair-triggered and easily upset.

for pete's sake.. i'm more Buddhist than anything else... i am broad minded about so much and probably, IRL, more tolerant than most you could meet... but being online has made me be something else... this irritability is not helping.

things have happened in my life which have not helped me trust people, or even give them the benefit of the doubt. i mistrust almost everyone and think the worst quickly

i am so sorry... please give me lattitude, please understand this isn't me... if i say something, give me a chance, talk to me directly...

i have three to four months of this if things do not level out..