Yes grieving......

First off I have absolutely no problem accepting I have Bipolar.

As for my pain and other health problem ?? Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, spinal stenosis, psoriasis, PsA arthritis , never ending asthma.

What really has me walking in circles?

Bipolar wise I’m really not having “ mood episodes” yes I’ve had some real tough situational stuff and I’ve had to work through. Lots of anger and rage-y stuff .. I have times of being down, again it’s really more situational.

As you all know my husband has emphysema and on oxygen at night. It is a terminal diagnosis. I watch him like a hawk to catch it quick if he starts to get any kind of lung funk. I have no idea when he will eventually need oxygen 24/7. maybe next month or next year , or year after , there’s really no time table. The main thing is keeping him from getting sick. I’m always on high alert watching him carefully.

Today at the hospital I saw lots of people in scrubs running in the parking lots, probably late for work.

But as I huffed and puffed just to walk a long ways to get to the GI office.. I use to be one of those people jogging, I loved running, I loved waking up in the morning and not just feel all the pain and so much stiffness and swollen joints. Some days I can stretch and be a bit better in an hour, somedays the stiffness and pain never goes away. PSA is awful.

Fibromyalgia is terrible. I can of explain it like “ you know how bad your body felt like when you had the flu ??ok multiply by 100000.

I’m 52 and physically feel like I’m 89

Every medical office I go to I’m reminded I can’t work .. I use to be that front desk person, I use to work back office with the doctors, I use to do medical billing .. every where I go I see WHAT I should be doing. Not this SSDI, not scraping by monthly. I’m just very angry at myself, my broken body and inability to really change it all to be what I was 13 years ago. Yes anger.

Ok I am NOT sharing to get attention or sympathy. NO NO NO NO NO

I just wanted a thread where we can come and mourn what mental or physical illness has taken from us.

Go~~~~~