Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
First of all, my heart goes out to you, Christina. And thank you for posting the idea for this thread. It is so very, very valuable to have a place to grieve the losses that health problems have presented us with.
I believe that I was born with bipolar disorder. As a child I was severely depressed and anxious, with uncontrollable rage episodes and vicious migraines. The environment...my mother was seriously mentally ill and life was terribly hard for me. Back in those years a child was either a "good" kid or a "bad" kid and I never knew any child to receive psychiatric care, or even counseling (I'm 56). I certainly needed help with my mental health.
But I'll pare it all down and say that the harshest loss I feel is the weight gain from medication. I was always thin, and pretty. I was a dancer (ballet and modern). People would comment on my grace. I absolutely loved dancing and fashion, being creative with fashion.
After about ten years of antipsychotics I have gained exactly 143lbs. As a result, I am in constant pain, have arthritis in my knees, tendonitis, high blood pressure (and the side effects of hypertensive medication). High cholesterol and elevated glucose.
Last week a woman at the place where I'm receiving physical therapy told me about a store where "fat ladies like us" can find nice clothes. Then she laughed and said, "But we did it to ourselves, didn't we?!"
I died inside. How did I go from being lovely to being a "fat lady"? And I didn't do it to myself! I've always eaten a healthy diet. And I was never, never haughty about my appearance - I took it for granted. I was the first one to feel so sorry for women who believed they had to diet. I couldn't understand why they didn't like their bodies.
But now I understand. I mean, I don't hate my body...I hate that I've had to feed it God-knows-what stuff that's in pills that has made me gain far more than I weighed to begin with.
At the risk of sounding absurdly superficial I'll have to say that I grieve for my appearance - and for the better health that I had before gaining so many pounds.
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Every bit of that I can fully relate too
It’s NOT at all superficial to grieve your appearance !!!!
Thank you so much for sharing and just opening up and being flat out honest
