It has been a year since my previous therapist and I had our last session. Since then it has not gotten much easier for me. I think about her every week and my loving feelings toward her persist. I did not tell her everything when I talked to her about transference. I was too embarrassed to say “I love you.” I was too embarrassed to tell her how much she means for me romantically and that she has a special place in my heart. I was too embarrassed to say how beautiful and elegant she looks. I was too focused on not humiliating myself and risk judgment.

One year has past by and my feelings still feel just as intense as last year. I have trouble sleeping because I think about her. One of the reasons why I am attracted to her is because she is the type of woman I want. Someone that accepts me despite my many flaws. She holds me accountable for things. She’s also attractive. She made me feel so special and valuable. I fantasize about going on dates with her. I imagine myself greeting each other and talking about how things have been since I out last session. What hurts me is that I think that there’s a high chance that I never see her. It is so hard to live life without the person that I love the most. I wish I didn’t think about her so often but I have trouble stopping. I wish she knew how I love her!