I'm wanting the help and wanting to get better, even making efforts that seems fruitless to do so, and the professionals I'd relied on... it feels like they left me in the **** because I advocated for myself. Advocated that I wanted a different AP than the one given because the one he gave has never truly helped (and it makes me have uncontrollable muscle movements). I advocated that I needed different therapy since I had been getting worse at a scary rate. I advocated and then got ****ing ditched, that's how it feels at least.

I just want to get better so I can work again. So that my gf doesn't have to stress so much. I want to get better so I'm not so ****ed up constantly. I'm confused daily, scared by the minute and on edge 100% of the time.

I'm hanging on by my fingertips.