Your feelings are real and you sound depressed given your description---do talk to someone (does your school have a counselor? decent guidance counselor?)---if you have a doctor you feel ok with ask for a referral to a therapist. You need to talk with someone who will take you seriously and will help. This is not a place you need to settle for or remain in for the foreseeable future.
& welcome to PC...check out the resources here and talk.......we will not tell you to snap out of something you cannot snap out of-----(((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))