Wow that's a long list. Lol let's give it a try.

No I'm not a Vet

What age did you begin having these thoughts? 8 or 9 I guess no older than 10

What was going on around the time you first started having these thoughts? I don't really know. I was at camp where I was supposed to be happy & I remember thinking "I wonder what would happen if they came out one morning saw me.....(dead)

Did your thoughts worsen over time? Yeah I guess. 30 years later they are much worse now

Did you experience any accidents involving head injuries, including even minor head bumps with no concussions? Yeah. Cracked my forehead open as a child. Had to get stiches.

Were you on a sports team? This made me laugh. No. I have Zero athletic talent.

Are you a veteran? No

Did you experience childhood abuse or neglect? My older brother (by 19 months) was both mentally & phyisically abusive to me growing up. But that's typical. Older brothers always beat up their younger siblings.

Were you ever involved in any physical fights in your lifetime? No nothing real bad

Did you use drugs, alcohol, or any prescription meds before or during the time you started having these thoughts?
No

Did you ever use any illicit drugs in your lifetime?
No

Did you abuse alcohol in your lifetime?
No

Did you abuse over-the-counter medications in your lifetime?
No

Did you abuse prescription drugs in your lifetime?
No

What traumatic experiences have you had in your entire lifetime?
My 1st time going to an inpatient facility.

Did someone close to you pass away when you were a child or teenager?
No

What losses have you experienced in your entire lifetime?
1 grandfather 2012 & my mother in law back in January
Do you often have headaches? If so, when did they first begin? Do your headaches come before, during, or after your thoughts? I wouldn't say often. I deal with migraines triggered by stress and hunger. They 1st started around 16 I guess.

What kind of education have you had?
Completed H.S. and have some technical training

What jobs have you had?
I've been at my current job for 20 years loading trailers and now as a courier

How is your current relationship with your wife, children, family, and friends?
That's difficult. My wife recently found out about some infidelity, but we're trying to work through it. She is pushing me to find help in order to save our marriage. I have no kids. I have a good relationship with my parents & I don't want to be in the same building as my brother.

Do you often think about the past?
yes

Do you experience nightmares?
No

Have you lost time or memories?
I don't remember. lol yes I have. I had a nervous breakdown and there are still chunks if time I don't remember.

Do you have morbid and intrusive thoughts?
Yes

Do you experience flashbacks?
No

Do you feel unreal in the world, or does the world feel inreal to you?
No

Do you ruminate over past mistakes?
Yes

Do you ruminate over past conversations, relationships, and/or traumatic memories?
No

Do you experience a flooding of memories?
No

Do you experience a flooding of mixed emotions, like you are "going crazy"?
No

Have you ever felt happy in your lifetime? If so, when and in what context?
Happy? No. Not sad? Yes

Have you ever had hopes or dreams or aspirations as a child, teen, or adult? If so, what were those dreams/aspirations?
No

What are you hopeful of today?
That I'll die at work so my wife can get the accidental death life insurance. Yes I know it's a very small chance but that's what I'm hopeful for everyday.

What are you grateful for today?
I don't really know

That's all I feel like answering now.