I'll start off slightly off topic and say that the worst grief in my life was as a result of losing my mother about 14 plus years ago, when I was 33 years old. I have progressed through the grieving process, but the feeling of loss for her will likely never disappear. In the early years after her death, I was severely ill. She wasn't the only reason. My illness had been bad before even knowing she would leave us. Now more on topic:


My employer held my job for about 3 1/2 years of multiple hospitalizations and multi-month PHP/IOPs. During those 3 1/2 years, I attempted to return to work again and again, starting part-time. Only once did I reach full-time again before subsequent hospitalizations. I remember after my first hospitalization, I was in a PHP/IOP for six months. My therapist there strongly discouraged me from returning to that job, but I did anyway. I kept trying to hold on to that career position. I had worked very hard over the years before to move up the corporate ladder. Even within those 3 1/2 years, when briefly back at work, I tried so hard to make a positive mark there. During the full-time portion, I was achieving some great things, and was on the road to becoming a director in either the sales or marketing groups. The CEO/President even told my husband of that plan during one of my hospitalizations. They wanted me back. However, too much time passed with too many hospitalizations. They couldn't hold my position anymore. I was terminated. Obviously, I grieved this loss severely. As time went by, even when recovering to various degrees, I realized that such a stressful position was no longer in my future. That's a hard pill to swallow for a very career-oriented person.


I'd be lying if I said I was no longer grieving "what could have been", but the grief has eased. I do believe that worthwhile things are ahead of me, but they will surely be different things.