Thanks for this thread Christina and big hugs to you for everything you are dealing with and have overcome. Big hugs to everyone on this thread and all those who need them.


I grieve many things from this illness. I grieve the loss of my adolescence and how cruel it made me to my parents when I was young (we now have a wonderful relationship). Then, after being better for so long, I grieve the total, sudden, and shocking loss of my sanity and the effect it has had on my entire family. I, too, worry that my husband and children have to worry about me. Sometimes I think my almost 12 year old has to take care of me if my husband isn’t around and I’m sick. That breaks my heart and is so unfair to her. I pray that none of my children are inflicted with this terrible disease. I also despise the weight gain. It’s close to 100 lbs for me too and I totally get it, Bethrags, I danced too and was in musical theatre. I was also very athletic, played volleyball all through high school and continued working out for years. I feel so judged all the time due to my weight. I was always skinny except right after I had my kids but even then I was average sized. I hate the impact it had on my faith. I’m always afraid to get too involved for fear it will trigger another massive psychotic break. That’s awful. I used to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom who cared for 3 other children in my home. I had a total of 5 that were 3 and under at one point and I ran a damn good, tight ship. Now, it seems I can’t hold down jobs for more than a couple of years and my plan of becoming a teacher is clearly not going to happen. My mind simply cannot handle the stress. I hate that any of us suffer!