What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!

What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!

Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond!

If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!

What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones!

Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in anoraks!