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Lilly2 · Oct 31, 2019 at 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was reading an old ''journal entry'' - actually it was a message to a good friend. It was about an abuser irl in a position of power, someone I went to for ''help'' (big mistake).

What I wrote... and I had completely forgotten i'd said this..

Possible trigger:

''he smiled as he killed''

there wasn't any physical abuse from that particular individual... it was all psychological, verbal, smear stuff

so maybe I ''shouldn't'' even be writing this..

and does it help talking about some of this? I have to say yes, since i'm still alive..

for the record I've never made a ''choice'' to be harmed by any of this. (or not to ''move on'' completely and ''forget it''... I could never forget him...

ugh. Not that anyone here has accused me of that.

Respect to all other survivors here

Awe, @Fuzzybear (((safe hugs)))

I'm so sorry you went through this. I can totally relate. I went through psychological abuse for about three years with a research mentor, and I'm still healing from that encounter. He happened to also be a clinical psychologist. It was a really enmeshed relationship, one fraught with unethical approaches to me as a mentee, not a client (even though I was inadvertently treated like a client). I made the mistake of trusting him too freely. It hurt in the end, and it still hurts. But the pain dissipates over time, especially when we learn to connect with safe others and how to assert our boundaries when we start seeing red flags. It's hard to do when triggered, but we grow stronger from there - and wiser.

You are a very loving, caring Fuzzybear! That's horrible that anyone would treat you so badly. You deserve so much more than hurt and pain. You deserve happiness, acceptance, and warm fuzzies!

Thank you for sharing and helping me not feel so alone, too.

I hope you are okay.