Hi all,

I really need some advice. First off I want to say that I'm not diagnosed bipolar, but I think I probably am, at least somewhat. Anyway, about a year ago, I stopped sleeping. I'd lay in bed all night and just wouldn't fall asleep. I'd try to nap, and nothing.

After about six months of this I was a complete wreck. I couldn't think through problems, bought thousands of dollars of stuff I didn't need or want and was, frankly, ready to kill myself.

One of my doctors referred me to the ER at this point. I refused treatment, not because I didn't need it, but because I was in the process of moving and didn't want to be hung up on two leases (again, bad decisions). They did prescribe me some Seroquel, however, and told my GP to refer me to a pdoc. The pdoc appointment ended up being months away and eventually fell through, so my GP took over prescribing.

At first, the Seroquel was great. I slept great, started exercising and got in shape and was able to roll with punches instead of dwelling on stuff. People commented about how even tempered I became.

Now, I'm realizing more and more that I don't feel normal, I just simply don't feel. I can't read books or comics because they just don't hold my interest (I used to be able to read a novel in a week or a stack of comics in a day). I can't play video games because I just can't focus enough to play well. I watch TV because its on, not because I really care. I forced myself to watch the world series, and felt nothing when my team won. I haven't cleaned my apartment in weeks. I don't think this stuff is normal.

I do go to the gym almost every day because otherwise I'd be bored out of my mind. I'm not sure which is worse, not being able to sleep or feeling lobotomized. Is this normal with Seroquel/antipsychs? I don't have a pdoc, though, so I'm not sure what to do.

BP