Seems like time for family counseling but you said "hubby won't go". I know the feeling. I've tried to get my now ex girlfriend to go but she doesn't think she has any problems that God can't fix...Oh well....

Anyway, there are some good self help books available on saving marriages. (trust me, I've got a bunch of em) Most of the ones I have are Christian based but that doesn't mean the material can't be applied.

Check out:

Healing the Hurt by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg
The 5 Love Needs of Men & Women by the same authors
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Starved for Affection by Dr. Randy Carlson
Husbands who won't lead & Wives who won't follow by James Walker Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Rescue Your Love Life by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Boundaries by the same authors as above (cloud & townsend - there are several in this series, and workbooks to go with them)

Or you can try: http://www.family.org/

I know they various services

If you need more info, lemme know and I"ll see what I can find for you....

Best of luck..