Had an interesting fear of heights experience a couple days ago. I climbed a local little volcano here in town called Mt. Scott on my bicycle. It's beautiful and a great workout. The climb rises to about 1200 feet from sea level. It is extremely steep. I have been going up there to try to desensitize myself to the heights issue. And that has been helping. First time I did it, when I got to the top and the lookout and looked out over the city, I almost passed out. But I made it down that steep hill. Won't bore you with how I accomplished that. But I made it.

Anyway, I went back up there the other day and, trying to mix it up, decided to go down the back side of Mt. Scott, which I have never done. I google mapped the whole route. It appeared to be fine. It was steep, but I could do it. Then, I got to this street called Monner. It was also steep but also doable. Until I came around a corner and the street suddenly fell off a cliff, basically. It was beyond steep. It might as well have been vertical, to me. The steepest street I have ever been on--and my city is hilly, to put it mildly. I was overcome with anxiety. Terror. Got lightheaded. It was too much. Too steep. Too scary.

I immediately got off the bike. Didn't want to fall off should I pass out. I tried to calm myself down. Told myself I could do it. That it was just a street. That I wouldn't fall off some invisible edge into nothingness, which is my core heights fear. I walked it down the quarter-mile of insane, ridiculous steepness and made it just fine. I had 16 miles left on my ride, but got it done.

Lessons? One is, google maps may be great, but it has pathetic information about elevation. Monner on google maps looks like a little hill. Not the vertical dropoff it really is. Two is, If I encounter something that really triggers me, I can always just get off the bike, do my breathing, tell myself I can do it, and walk for awhile. That's what I did. And it worked.

Really trying to get through this without adding a new medication. My challenging myself on these steep hills we have around here has, overall, helped me be better able to handle a heights situation, I think. So for me it's like that AA saying--it's progress, not perfection. Here's to progress.