That's a really tough situation. I can imagine it would be really painful to hear those remarks. I can also see how it would wear on your children and potentially set the stage for them to continue the same behaviors when they become adults.


It sounds like he genuinely loves you and he's willing to support you through your worst times. You seem to do the same for him. That's really beautiful and an important aspect to any marriage. It is invaluable actually.


I work a lot with teams in regards to helping them recognize issues and addressing them so that they can perform better. Families are teams. I will say this... In my experience, it is important to recognize issues openly and put our best effort forward to try to change them for the better. So in your case that's doing all you can to be proactive with the mania and the depression and maintaining as healthy as possible of a lifestyle as you can. That doesn't mean dropping all the weight. It means recognizing it and making some sort of effort to improve. For him that might be going to therapy, or it might be simply just being open to feedback that his behavior is hurtful. It might be apologizing when it gets out of control. It might even just be admitting to your family that his temper gets the best of him and he doesn't really mean the things he says.


I think the goal is to simply show good faith and effort towards growth. Teammates are able to accept and deal with a wide array of dysfunctional behavior when they feel like everyone is acknowledging the issues and at least doing something to improve. Even if they are angry. Even if they are sad. Even if they know it won't fix everything.


The worst possible outcome occurs when teammates clearly see the problems and they move into acceptance and then ignore them. Their apathy toward growth is like a cancer and it eats away at the goodness of a team from the inside out.


I know that's maybe a lot to process, but I'll wrap it up with this. Ultimatums are harsh and are typically rejected by everyone. Nobody likes being told what to do. However, opening up about how issues make you feel and asking that someone seek to help make things better somehow in their own way usually creates forward motion in a positive direction.


Just my 2 cents. As always, only take whatever resonates and discard anything that feels like it would hinder your situation.