I don't like being me, I really don't

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong forum. As some of you know I don't trust doctors in this forest (not usa) .. its probably my fault since I am not....
I was actually feeling a bit better some of the time... the horrible anxiety wasn't as bad...(although that probably wasn't obvious from my posts, my base line mood was improved)
But as expected.. then came the crash
I'm safe, just venting
hugs and respect to all here