New T, focusing first on our relationship. It was easy for me to feel and express positive feelings I had towards her, but sometimes, I zoned out. She asked: what is the feeling behind your fear? So: what feeling that you feel is not allowed, causes you to zone out and 'feel nothing'? This cycle repeated many many times during this intake session of 2 hrs. I was frustrated, because I genuinely did not feel anything, but it was true that I zoned out, so something was up. I thought it might be anger, frustration at her repeating questions, but I didn't really feel that. I think I felt fear that she would reject me for not being able to respond. Then she would ask: but that is an emotion about you: what does that make you feel about me ? But it seems that I have carefully suppressed any negative emotions directed at somebody else, and only feel emotions about myself: disappointment/frustration at my inability to feel, sadness at the thought she may reject me, fear. But nothing that really goes towards her. I suppose that's relevant, but I have no clue how to get past this wall of not feeling.
Perhaps these are too few details to explain what happened. Responses welcome though- anyone been through a similar process? How on earth do you transition from not feeling certain unwelcome/inconvenient emotions to feeling them? Inbox is ok too if it's not appropriate here, this turned out longer than expected. Good night/day!