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Sometimes psychotic · Nov 02, 2019 at 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Layed in bed feeling sorry for myself. Did nothing. Wanted to die.

I have a lot on my plate. People will continue putting me down saying that I'm lost and need to find "meaning". It's crazy. I hate this.

I have to be like SP and exercise my mind to prevent worsening of my cognition. I feel it worsening already.

The main thing I complained about with schizophrenia was negative symptoms. The pessimist nihilistic misanthropy thing. The anhedonia, thought disorder, disorganized speech, amotivation, avolition, zombie brain.

I made an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday and I'm going to see her once a week. I have a lot to say but I don't know how to organize what I want to say because I'm dumb. I can only write. Lindsay asked to talk on the phone, nope.. Can't do that. So I'll be doing a lot of writing.

I'm gonna be in my notes a lot with the self improvement thing. This illness is going to kill me. I could have just been autistic and had a wild sticky imagination where I couldn't tell reality from fiction idk..

I'm gonna book an appointment with my psychiatrist and tell her about everything and try to lower the injection from 150mg to 100mg. I've been taking fish oil 3x a day with other vitamins. I've lost weight so now I'm quite skinny but I want to improve my energy - exercise etc.. mind energy - thinking and mediation, brain games or something.

If all fails and I become a real vegetable, I'll

Possible trigger:

die on purpose

For me keeping the meds as low as possible has been critical. With my genotype APs decrease working memory....it seems like the fish oil helps a lot but there are other supplements like ashwaganda that are supposed to work as well. I have to admit I almost tried nicotine at one point despite the heart effects. I feel like this illness forces bad choices. You have to choose for now instead of the future because the APs and the illness are slowly destroying our brains and our bodies. I ve always tried to be healthy but what’s the point when the meds induce metabolic syndrome, however my pdoc was like it could be much worse if you werent fighting it. So we are doubly darned in mind and body trapped between the illness and the cure.