I don't want to go. But I need to. And I'm limited to who will take medicaid in the area, which means I don't really have much choice as to who I go to.

But it could be worse, I might not have any sort of coverage at all. So I'm grateful for this. But I don't want to go.

The community clinic I'll go to this Monday is super busy and there is always a long wait in a noisy room with lots of people. I don't know this health care provider but I need to achieve my women's exam (it has been a few years) and ask for Ativan for my upcoming dental appointment.

Yikes.

The dental is next month and I've not been in for years. I don't want to go to this place because they somehow tend to be sorta gruff and almost unfriendly, they are only taking me because I'm still in their system, they aren't taking new dental medicaid patients. I don't want to go. Usually long waits in a crowded stuffy room, and usually dental appointments = increased physical pain, especially in jaw and shoulders. Blech.

I'm going to figure out a way to use this as a goal and experiment. Surely I can diminish my anxiety about these appointments and maybe take the edge off some pain too.

My first step in all this was to get my eye exam. I really didn't want to go but needed to, and everything went fine.

Now on to the tougher part. I'm going to remember to breathe and not work myself up emotionally. I'll plan some sort of treat for myself after each appointment.

I know I'm lucky to get any sort of med/dental care. But what I really want to do is curl up under warm blankets and let the rest of the world go by, for now. I just went through a migraine bout from hell and the last thing I want to do is invite in more pain.

Any chronic pain folks out there have any hints for surviving appointments?