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Nov 03, 2019, 10:24 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: You'll never know
Posts: 940
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
I want to raise this topic again after watching a new Netflix documentary called "Tell me who I am". It isn't about DID, but is the true story of identical twin brothers who were severely abused in childhood. They didn't dissociate but always remembered the abuse. That is, until one of the twins had a near fatal head injury and awoke from his coma with absolutely no memory of anything or anyone, except for his brother. Basic story is, his brother nurses him back to health but does not tell him about the abuse. So this twin interacts with his family as though nothing ever happened. This is the part that has intrigued me, as I have alters that interact with our family as though nothing has ever happened. But it HAS happened. And those alters just don't get it.
Has anyone else seen this movie or is anyone else familiar with this dynamic? We are trying so hard to work through this at the moment, and want to find a way to reach those alters in us that are still attached to the perpetrators.
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@Amyjay
I haven't seen that documentary, but I'm interested in watching it in the future. Thanks for sharing. 
I've watched movies like the "Bourne Identity" series and "50 First Dates," which remind me about my own memory loss. Both deal with trauma, but both also deal with memory loss. I've often wondered if DID could include memory loss, as opposed to fragmented memories that hold amnesiac barriers between them.
For the persecutor alters (I'm not sure what ANP stands for), they hold some sort of interalized yucky memories that mimic my various abusers.
Possible trigger:
In my system, they are all different ages, but interestingly, two are female - one being Delilah (21 y/o), the other being the evil queen (an older lady). The rest are men, one being 10-year-old Damion, the older man named "Mastermind," and maybe others I'm unaware of. It was hard communicating with them. They all hold scary versions of the abusers. It took them a while to become protectors instead, but it's hard for them still because they are so used to the Stockholm Syndrome of the abusers whenever they feel the only way to survive is to be like the abuser. They learn that they can fight the abusers off with the protective alters we have. They also had to learn to find others ways to express their anger and lack of connection with the abuser. Our internal helpers and the protector alters helped them. It was sick to hear them engage, and it took me a while to understand what was going on without freaking out. They never come on the outside or switch, but they did one time write stuff years ago on a support group, just to show off and get a reaction out of other people, but they caused us to get banned. They've since learned that they cannot win rewards by such behaviors, and that it is better to protect our system by detecting those who seem like yucky people they had themselves internalized. They became our watchdogs instead of internal persecutors, though they now have this sickly and prideful laugh. Our host will probably be freaked at this, so we're gonna help her once we go back inside and end typing this section. Hope this helps your system - from the internal helper for the others in Lilly2's system.
We're still trying to figure out how disorganized attachment fits in. Maybe it's our switching behaviors and moods that appear "disorganized" to other people. It's not push and pull exactly, but it is different levels of engagement. --Could that be it??
As far as memory, I wonder if our identities are the sum of our memories, or if our identities are separate from our memories. That's another point to ponder. Hmm...
(((safe hugs))) 
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