Thank you for the support, everyone!

It comes in phases, sometimes just gets triggered by some randomn event.

I miss him and still love him, I can never really forgive him, but I have learned a lot about suicide and it's frequency, it is more common than I thought. People who do it just lost touch with reality somehow and it hits, I pray I never do the same, I saw how much damagew and pain it caused and also how the world keeps going unaffected by an act of suicide by anyone. We aren't that important to the functioning of the earth and society, individually. Sad but true...

We are important to each other who know us and love us, I am soooo grateful for that.