It's wonderful to have you here again!

I agree with fern about acknowledging your feelings and keep moving forward.

For me, it's been very important to consider what I'd like in my life, even on a very short-term basis. I then consider the specifics and move toward that goal.

If I am not moving forward, I am likely stuck in thinking about the past, even last week, not to mention thinking about years ago. Our future is ahead of us and it is helpful to me to make a plan. This plan keeps me moving forward and keeps me from getting stuck in the past.

So while your anxiety about again needing the hospital is very real and deserves acknowledgment, make your hours, your days, your weeks about leaving that behind you.

I had great luck in letting go of obsessing about topics once I had learned to limit the amount of time I would allow myself to worry. I had started by assigning a time period in which I would allow myself to "worry."

I had chosen a time frame like: 10am-11am. If I had started to "worry" or think about topics that created anxiety, I would remind myself that I had a time assigned to think on those topics. In time, I taught myself to not focus on the things that would make me anxious. Anxiety-loaded topics no longer ruled my/my life, I ruled over them!

I hope you can find a way forward in your life.
You deserve a good life!