http://pediatrics.aappublications.or.../full/101/4/e9

you should be able to access that via institutional subscription.

SOMETIMES (and not every time) something doesn't seem traumatic until... it occurs to us as adults when we are attaching adult meanings and comprehensions. sometimes (and not every time) something doesn't feel 'icky' until... we remember from an adult frame of reference.

I guess you said that you didn't feel right about it at the time... can you think of other similar things... e.g., when someone made you play a non-sexual game that you really didn't want to, stuff like that. did you feel a lot worse than that or was it like that? could the icky feelings have been superimposed on the memory from an adult place?

i guess... that you are posting here in the 'abuse' forum might mean that you have decided. and want validation for seeing it that way. i'm sorry if what i say is hurtful... i'm trying to help. but you need to have a think about some stuff and figure what is right for you, yeah.

you don't need to have been abused in order for your experiences to be understandable. i guess that is the most important thing to know. something society often seems to forget.

Why do I say that? Because of the number of self help books (and therapists) who progress from general and diffuse symptoms (such as 'do you have trouble sleeping'? 'do you have trouble getting going in the morning') to 'you have been sexually abused. there IS this big push...

And this knowledge gets laid over rememberings altering their meaning.

Sometimes ya get pissed when your parents or other kids make you do something you don't want to do. Was it a feeling a bit like that or a bit different? Sometimes kids make us do something that is a bit humiliating (but non-sexual). Was it a bit like that or a bit different? I guess I'm wondering about how sexualized it felt at the time...

There are a couple reasons why you might have thought 'he was a kid playing around'. The standard line is because you are blaming yourself. But then... To say he was a kid playing around isn't blaming yourself unless you are using that line to beat yourself up for feeling upset over this. The other reason why you might have thought 'he was a kid playing around' is because... That was what was going on.

Can never access the past. Just have these rememberings in the present... I guess its up to how significant you want them to be... Whether you want to consider yourself a victim of sexual abuse or not. Becuase... Do you see... How you could cast them either way?