Hi otroo. Since you refer to her as your "oldest sister", I can't help but to assume you have other siblings? And are either or both of your parents alive? I only ask because if you do have these other relatives, perhaps you might ask them to talk to your sister about what she'd like. That is, if you're willing to face the possibility of her saying she'd like to see you. Of course, if it were the case that your sister would want to see you, I imagine I'd only go if that sister promised to make the last interaction positive in some way shape or form. An apology from her? Or at the least some kind of goodbye accompanied with better memories.

It's ultimately up to you. I do not think you should feel guilty about your feelings towards her or even skipping her funeral. I do understand how you feel. None of my siblings or I ever liked my maternal grandmother, and unfortunately she was the last grandparent standing (the other three were loving people). She verbally abused my mother almost up until my mother's death. Yes, she outlived her own daughter! She verbally abused my siblings and me most of the years we knew her. Even when she died, she totally slighted my siblings and me. We never did anything to deserve such treatment. I suppose we could say that my maternal grandmother was mentally unwell, in some way. Otherwise, it's flat out mysterious why she abused us and my mother, and yet not my maternal uncle or his adopted son. My siblings and I did go to my maternal grandmother's funeral, but it was not for her or for us. We only went because my mother surely would have wanted us to go, despite the abuse she received.

I am not religious, therefore I do not believe in the concept of evil. As mentioned, I rather think something was wrong with my maternal grandmother psychologically. For that reason, I try not to hold a grudge against her. That doesn't mean I will ever like her actions or thinking. It's a sad shame for everyone involved, including her. That's my version of taking the high road.