I think the experience you describe is completely normal for a lot of people. I agree that this is likely largely grief and I agree that a therapist could really help you.

I was divorced in 2008 solely because of my illness. I have not spoken to my ex since then. I do not see our son, sadly. Were I to see this ex, I can pretty much promise you that a lot of the anger and pain I feel she is mostly responsible for would quickly bubble to the surface. Especially the stuff about Jack, our son. It is good that I don't have to deal with her.

I am no shrink, but I do personally believe that there are some relationships in our lives that were so consequential that we basically never get over them. Sorry, this is just how I feel. What we do is we learn how to cope with the loss as best as we can. But we don't really fully heal. There's just a good five- or ten- or thirty-year dressing on the wound.We just tuck it away somewhere in a corner and hope it never comes out again. Hope we don't ever have to re-dress that wound. Just my take and others may disagree.

So anyway, because this has been my experience, I have basically zero contact with any of my exes. It just isn't worth the heartache for me. I freely admit that I have always been rather sensitive for a male and I am quite sure that "stronger" men are much better equipped to "move on," whatever that actually means.

Anyhow, I just really do believe that what you have experienced is not at all unusual or weird. There's nothing wrong with you . What happened with your ex was painful and it had a big impact on you. I get it. I'm still mad at my high school girlfriend. How ridiculous is that? I know. But she was very mean and manipulative and that makes me angry. Sorry. It's the truth. The difference now is that I can cope with it. It doesn't really affect my day-to-day life. Which is the key. But for me to deny how I really feel? Well, to me, that would just be wrong. She was cruel. She toyed with me. And never has apologized. It was unacceptable behavior.

So, go to a therapist. Figure out what you have to figure out. Then, carry on with your life. Spend time on and with people who care about you. Don't waste time on jerks. I have said it before on another thread, but I would far prefer to have one friend I can count on than ten lousy friends. In my opinion, people who mistreat us and aren't sorry are lousy friends. Move on. She isn't worth the heartache.