I am really sorry you have been struggling. Very difficult dealing with the three conditions you describe. I guess the first thing I am wondering about is your therapist and psychiatrist. Where are they in all this? Have they suggested (or has anyone) a med adjustment? What meds are you currently on? Although I do not have a formal anxiety d/o diagnosis, I do have PTSD and do get mixed state bipolar 1 stuff in which panic attacks can be a prominent element. So, I have done the whole anxiety med thing. I mention this because, in me, benzos definitely make my depression worse. They are not an option for me anymore. So, I'm just wondering about how they are treating your anxiety, I guess. Maybe something like Buspar worth a shot?

Has anyone mentioned the hospital to you? Nobody ever wants to go to the hospital, I get it. But, if you are regularly a danger to yourself, it may be a pretty good place to go for a bit to work some things out pharmacologically and therapy-wise and get you on a more firm footing. I feel sure you will not want to do that, but it may potentially be in your best interest to consider it, if your SI continues. I have spent more time in the hospital than I care to acknowledge and not all of it was terrific. But it most certainly has saved my life on more than one occasion. No question about it. Just a thought.

Not sure what type of disability situation you are in. Is it SSDI? A private carrier of some sort? Is it short-term or long-term? Will the total monthly amount cover your living expenses? If not, what is the plan? If you have a disability claim approved, but then have to work to make ends meet, that immediately makes the claim very tricky. I do have a fair bit of disability insurance experience and I will just tell you that the evaluations are extremely rigorous and strict. Not trying to make you more anxious than you already are, but you need to know how this works in America today. It is no kind of chip shot, that's for sure. People you think definitely should be approved are not always ratified. So just be aware, having a serious mental illness well-documented in your chart is not a guarantee you will get paid. It is very unfair, in my opinion. But you only find out about that if you file a claim. Finally, I will just add that as a practical matter, being admitted to hospital definitely strengthens your case for a favorable disability claim. Not suggesting you attempt to make that happen for that reason, but it is the truth.

That's about it from me. I really, really think you need to have a heart to heart with your prescriber about the severity of your situation. Don't hold back. Tell it like it is. Nobody can help you if they don't know what is going on with you. Not sure of your age, but your parents' failure to appreciate the gravity of your predicament is not helping. It is even possible being alone at your place might be less stressful overall than staying at your folks and having to deal with that conflict. Do they know how bad your depression is? Do they get it? Because you do not sound to me like someone who can currently successfully hold down a job with very many hours required. Maybe others will disagree, but that is my take. Sending you positive vibes. All the best--