Hey, otroo. I really appreciate what you and BirdDancer have had to say on this thread. I agree that you are under no obligation to suddenly feel the need to see this sister, just because she is sick. What happened between you two happened and you have gotten where you are by taking the steps you felt appropriate. That, obviously, has included not having contact with her.

I have not spoken to my only and older sibling in 7 years. It was the right thing to do, as he completely abandoned me when I became psychotic in 2007-8ish. He was also quite mean to my daughter when she was just a baby. Jerk. He is older and, were he to pass before me (and I doubt that will happen), I don't think I would attend the service. It would be disingenuous, in my opinion. Why pretend like things were okay? They weren't. It's more honest.

So, go with your gut, I say. Whatever you choose will be fine. But I would not go if you are feeling obligated on the one hand but really, really don't want to go on the other. Why make yourself super-uncomfortable? She won't be around to see it anyway!