I don't like my therapist. We aren't compatible. She just sees me as the illness rather than a person.

I asked her to make an appointment with her for once a week and make an appointment with my psychiatrist and she says "Why? Can't you just talk to your doctor?". Well.. My doctor doesn't deal with my Invega injection. Only my psychiatrist does.

I wrote down questions to ask my psychiatrist and I just want to have an honest talk with her which includes maybe lowering the Invega injection to 100mg or switching to a different antipsychotic.

My psychiatrist makes me feel like I'm being defiant or manipulative to find a way to lower my injection without any reason. It makes me feel completely trapped.

And I can't talk to my family about this because they think I'll go psychotic if I lower the injection. They just see the illness too and don't trust me. Everything I say can't be trusted.

I’m not that good at articulating so this could all go against me and I have no one on my side.

Here's some notes that I wrote down to prepare for my psychiatrist session;

"I’m doing much better and my mom has breast cancer so I’ve been thinking a lot.. Thinking about my future. Listening to podcasts about self improvement and it’s crazy how hard I’ve been working on myself. Making SMART goals like I was taught in the independent living unit, learning from my uncomfortable feelings and just in general being really aware of myself. This might not surprise you, but I think I have a mild form of autism. My IQ is somewhat high - Or it used to be high but the negative symptoms of schizophrenia and sleeping caused a lack in neuroplasticity along with the high dose antipsychotic medication. But there’s ways to increase types of intelligence by reading, exercising, etc.. It’s just that, when I do those things, I can only do them for so long before I have to lay down and do nothing but just think (Not even sleeping). My mind just gets fatigue and burn out from doing the slightest tasks. I’m sure that I’m not depressed and it’s a possibility that I have schizophrenia but after psychedelics, I realize that reality and outside reality is exactly as crazy as I thought it to be. And I’m at peace with that. I understand the questions that I’ve been asking and became more philosophical. My OCD has been cured. I’m a really really empathetic person but I feel like the injection is numbing that feeling. Maybe all I need is 3mg of an Invega pill in the morning or something. All I am is being completely honest like I’ve always been but I think the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with schizophrenia just didn’t understand me and my psychosis (If you can call it that) was caused by stress from my step dad - Manipulating my whole family, beating my mom and attacking me, controlling my mind."