|
Nov 05, 2019, 04:35 PM
|
|
|
|
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: You'll never know
Posts: 940
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags
Strange. My mom was severely mentally ill and, although she spent some lengthy time in a psych hospital (back then called a "mental institution"), she never stuck with treatment.
Besides her many frightening and, for her and everyone who cared for her, painful symptoms, there was one mind-state that she referred to as "my pink cloud." She was extremely dissociative and her "pink cloud" was her peaceful, happy "hiding" place.
|
@BethRags (((safe hugs)))  I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It could be that her "pink cloud" was her safe place, or that maybe it has something to do with what I read at the link provided in the first post of this thread. That must have been hard for you to witness, especially if you were a child watching your mom range from painful symptoms to the "pink cloud" symptom. That must have felt confusing to see.
I can relate because I've felt confused at times from my own dad, whose emotions and even approaches to us kids were all over the place. He never had the pink cloud thing happen.
I could also see in my distal past how my own changes in emotions and that pink cloud must have confused a lot of people. I didn't mean to harm other people, but I did (unintentionally and in most cases, indirectly). I did my best to make amends while I was (and currently still am) working on my recovery in various areas.
At the same time, I've learned to understand that my symptoms are something I can manage, and during the times I couldn't manage them, I was struggling with mental illness. I was once (and sometimes still am) too harsh on myself for my mental illness symptoms, and I would put myself down a lot. Today, I realize that my mental illness is not something I need to apologize for as if it were my fault, but rather I could simply apologize for it showing up sometimes, or for me not having the tools yet to manage them appropriately, but I am not going to put myself down any longer for having them. It's what I live with. Some people can understand, whereas others cannot. I don't blame those who cannot understand it, I just feel like they aren't the healthiest people for me to be around if they cannot understand it, and I'm not the healthiest person to be around them either. But it doesn't mean that either one of us is at fault or wrong; it just means that mental illness is different from mainstream society.
I try to see things in a positive and realist light, even though it is hard to do at times when mental illness is at its peak.
(((safe hugs)))
|