I'm still struggling a bit with this. My current partner says she likes to feel some pain during sex at times but I find it very hard to inflict any pain or to be intentionally hurtful, sadistic or use humiliating language. It just doesn't feel right to me and feels abusive tbh. I know it would be consensual but I don't feel good doing this. We have explored some things like rope bondage that feel safer and more loving but I think my history makes me very squeamish about anything that involves treating another person in a way I perceive as abusive. Is that wrong? Should I try and get over this? I still feel some sympathy for the feminist articles I posted above that critique BDSM but at the same time appreciate that many people seem to find it liberating - it's a paradox I am finding hard to resolve for myself, especially since my partner seems turned on by at least some of this sort of thing.