I recently read that family estrangement is a silent epidemic. I also read that it’s the loss of family support even if you do talk to each other sometimes.
It sounds like you want to have a good relationship with your family, even if there are conflicts sometimes you still love them. It doesn’t seem like they want the same thing - unless they actually just like all the conflict and drama. All that conflict and drama is very destructive.
I think what makes me the most unhappy is when I can’t or won’t accept things for what they are. I understand your heartache and the anxiety that comes with this stressful family situation. I wonder if you would feel less anxiety if you worked on accepting your family situation for what it is?
In situations like this I ask myself what can I live with. What can you do that makes you feel the best about yourself but also helps you let go of what you can’t control?