I literally have lost any joy. It makes me really sad that I have a dog who is like a child to me. I have made some serious mistakes in my life and my dog is being dragged through it. I am completely hopeless. I am very self conscious. I attempted a suicide because I felt I could not cope with another breakdown after having several in the past. One of my brothers told everyone in my family. I know family want to know and be caring. I could not cope with this and still struggle. Makes it hard to visit with family because the severe shame. Makes ruminate every waking moment on how wish how if i had not done and that i would not be more depressed and anxious I honestly can not get any relief from everything. I have seen several counselors who all say the past is the past and accept it. My conscious will not let menlive it down. I have seriously given up my hygiene and all other self care. The only I do right is take my meds, because I don't want to with draw from them walk my dog out of guilt that i solated literally hiding in bed for weeks. I am barely getting by in life. I think I am so mentally ill to keep coping scared what other stupid mistakes I might make based on how i feel about things.