I am sorry it hurts so much.

I have had to work at accepting people where they are at but also not feel like I am completely responsible for the relationship with my family. I spent so much time worrying about other family members and helping them that it may have contributed to their helplessness. I just give them space now and try to live my own life. I still help them or go visit sometimes but am also learning to make judgments on when enough is enough. I think my mom taught us to meet the needs of others but I am learning to look inside and do what is best for me instead of always doing for others. I still go back to people pleasing a lot but just try to be aware when I am doing that and try to find things that I enjoy too. The thing bpcyclist said about we put up with things from our family that we wouldn't from anyone else--so true for me!