I agree with everything all the brilliant people--@MIckeyCheeky, @divine1966, @sarahsweets, @christina, and @Raindropvampire have said. You can certainly give the couples' therapy thing a go, but I can tell you from personal experience, if both people aren't giving it 100%, it's a waste. My ex-wife was in the middle of an affair while we were supposedly in couples'; counseling. Nice.

If he wants to get better and save the marriage, it is going to be a ton of work, IMO. People are going to want to know what his father was like, what his parents' relationship looked like. Where did he learn that it is okay to treat partners/wives this way. Uncomfortable stuff for him. And he does not appear to take criticism well. Will he be willing to work on all this stuff? If the answer is no, then I agree--you should bail. There are plenty of men out there who won't treat you this way.

After my wife who was supposedly trying to help me save our marriage surprise-served me with divorce papers, I started looking around. I immediately found that $50,000 was missing from one of our accounts. She had been slowly siphoning cash for 6 months in preparation for the filing. She was never going to stay. She had left long before. Sneaky little thing.

I tell you this because I, too, am really stressing about this business involving your bank account. You need to rectify that today! It is critical. It is possible he is trying to leverage you into staying by taking away any financial means to leave. Another form of abuse. If you decide you have to leave and you are the one physically leaving your now-home, you are going to need cash. A fair amount of it. First month's rent, maybe last. Maybe a deposit. Utilities. You will have to separate your phone plans. On and on. And if there are children, as it sounds like there are, well, you already know how much it costs to raise and take care of kids. Now, you'll be doing it on one income--at least until all the divorce-money issues are sorted out or until some kind of interim child support/alimony agreement is set.

And remember, it's 2020 almost. Just because you are a woman doesn't guarantee that you won't be the one writing checks to him. I have paid my ex-partner's alimony for twelve years. She once earned more than her ex. We went to court to try to reduce the amount and the judge had zero interest in modifying the agreement, even though my ex (then my partner) had taken a huge hit in income after we had a child of our own. Judge didn't care. Saw that I was a retired professional and just thought we should pay for everything because she assumed I was so rich. So you never know. Judges are weird.

So, get on this money thing pronto. If he won'[t give you immediate access to all joint accounts or an account in your name only, just get a lawyer. Don't wait. He could drain all your accounts and once that money is gone, it can take a long time, if ever, to get it back. And no--I never did get my 50K back.