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For me, I live alone and sometimes pretend that the holidays are just another day. But then the feelings of FOMO kick in, especially when I don't have funds, energy, or courage to participate in holiday events. I've had some friends and neighbors invite me out, but I would turn them down most of the time, even if I had money. It's the lack of energy and fears of being physically harmed that truly get to me.
I enjoy hanging out online with other people who are home alone for the holidays. It helps me not feel so alone, and it's almost like we're celebrating something unique of our own.
I've tried asking my mother if I could visit her for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Because my sister and I don't get along, we agreed to not see each other or speak to each other at any events. My mother enjoys spending time with my sister during the holidays, so I don't want to take that away from her. I wind up staying home for those reasons.
I have extended family I could stay with, but my sister has the means to visit them impulsively, so I don't want to risk seeing them if she might show up.
I tried two years ago to reconnect with my sister, but my PTSD and DID kicked in too much for me to be able to deal with that. I literally feared for my life, as my sister can be impulsively dangerous. My sister will slam doors, scream, threaten, and spread rumors if she experiences the faintest bit of rejection or disagreement. She's even threatened our own mother, which I didn't appreciate. Thankfully, after years of hearing my mother's secret complaints about her experiencing elder abuse from my sister, I convinced my mother to move out and find a safe place with either me or one of the other members of our family. My mom lives with her granddaughter and great granddaughter now, and she seems happy. My mom still loves her children, but my sister can be really abusive. I think she has that intermittent explosive disorder thing, but I'm not sure. All I know is that I fear for my life. I cannot enjoy holidays around her, but I respect her wishes and boundaries to stay away from her.
I tried to be a vegetarian, and once in a while I can, but I love meat too much. My ex hated it when I ate meat around him. But I did lose weight when I was an attempting vegetarian. I once cooked vegetarian meals for families who were vegetarian and couldn't afford Thanksgiving meals. There are so many yummy recipies that I found when I had cable and the Food Network Channel. That's how I figured out how to purchase and prepare meals for them. That was fun to do - volunteer during Thanksgiving.
I enjoyed volunteering for homeless shelters because I was once homeless. I also enjoyed hanging out with them over the holidays. They were like my family away from family when I had no one and no money.
I used to make cards, but that can get pricey. It was fun buying glue, small ornaments, and other things I could create fancy cards with. I would hand out handmade cards to different people as a "gift." I don't have the energy or the creativity anymore to do that, but it was fun when I did.
I do like saying, "Merry Christmas," even though some people don't. I try to respect everyone's beliefs and wishes, as I also have family members who are Christian, Jewish, atheist, Catholic, and otherwise. I feel stressed, however, when some people try to convert me. I don't want to be converted. I just want to appreciate the differences everyone has in their religious practices, cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles. I enjoy being free and spiritual on my own terms. If anything, I'd like to celebrate all religious holidays, if I could, even though I'm not of their religion. I just love culture and the warmth I see when people come together. Am I wrong for that? Some think so, but I don't. I just appreciate spirituality in my own unique way.
I feel bad when I receive a gift and cannot afford to give one in return. I'm sure others have felt that way when I gave them gifts, too. I'm still not sure how to approach that - other than hide and avoid getting the gift in the first place, LOL. But seriously. This is a hard one for me.
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