It seems like these feelings don't have much to do with anything specific your T says or does—I mean, he's not actually doing or saying anything awful, he's not disgusting in any concrete way, from what you've written here. So this makes me wonder if your feelings are related to the trauma etc. that you mentioned. Like maybe the repulsion and shame have more to do with the trauma, and that gets projected onto your T in some way because he knows about it? Just a thought.