Quote:
Originally Posted by BrittyBird
Recently I got a job at a supermarket. I wanted to make my coworkers happy because to me,I love making others happy and seeing them smile. They all work so hard (the grind never ends,the job is tedious,we don't just stand at our stations and bag groceries, we rotate at different things,it's not just a grocery store.) My manager brought some of them ice cream last week and some of them loved it. Some didn't get to try and wanted to. There was a box of ice cream popsicles but it's costly. $9.59 for a box of 6 short tiny popsicles. I decided to buy it and split the 6 amongst my coworkers and they were all so happy and smiled. I have friends and some people telling me it's a nice gesture or I'm very altruistic (I gave a homeless guy last week $5 when he needed a buck or two) or sweet. In general for anything I do but everytime I do something that would be seen as "conventionally" or objectively nice from an outsiders POV,I tell myself no it's not a nice gesture. I'm not a nice person. I'm a horrible person. I'm a *****. I'm this or that. The last 3 years this group of people have tried so hard to drag my name in the dirt and mud and honestly at this point have just convinced me and hammered in my mind,that no matter what I do if it's seen as good or nice from the outside view,I'll always be a horrible person (when I was never horrible in the first place imo.) A part of me knows deep down inside maybe it was nice but I never want to physically admit it or say it. Because when I do,I just flashback to those moments with them and I'm just reminded,stay in my place. I feel like everytime I do something "conventionally" good,they will be in the back of my mind bringing up my past mistakes,or bringing up rumors about me. Because they're that toxic. They call themselves good people and I'm the bad one. I'm the villain. I'll always be the villain. I'm not good and I don't do good things. I can't bring myself to believe that buying ice cream near the end of the day for my hardworking coworkers,is a nice thing.
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To me it looks a bit like you're trying to prove them wrong to yourself. It might be because an absence of reasoning that it was hard for you to come with reasoning yourself as to why they were wrong. A person just giving an impression they're thinking you did something wrong, that's way to vague to do something with. Also their way of dealing with the situation, what makes their thoughts so special that makes it appropriate to act like that, would they be okay with it when you acted like that towards them based on what you thought about them or when someone else acted like that towards them based on what they thought about them? Or what about when you would act like this to someone else? It's an ineffective and unhealthy way of dealing with a situation, there wouldn't be any person who would respond well on that, it couldn't possibly improve a situation, because how would that even look like? "I personally thought what I did was fine at the moment, because if not I wouldn't do it obviously, but now that you threw a semi empty soda can at me I'm completely convinced about your point of view that magicly flew with the can"? My guess would be that the supporters were trying to "solve a problem" regarding the "difficult" behavior of the ex-girlfriend, focusing on the ex-girlfriend in a negative way as a way of feeling influential and important while convincing themselves they're supporting their friend and doing their best to deal with problematic behavior in a proper way. What's possible with such people is that they don't think much themselves, that they just follow up on what's being said rather than looking at what they're actually thinking about it themselves, which can make them act a bit like flying monkeys.
Flying monkeys (popular psychology - Wikipedia)
What can help is giving yourself reasoning to why they were wrong, such as why their way of communicating couldn't contribute to improvement. What you can also do is creating own opinions about your own behavior, if it helps you can imagen someone else having a similar problem and coming to you for support, this might help to not let the inner critic guide you in your opinion about your own behavior.