I am depressed for some time. Severely. I have to go to work every day because I want to provide for my child. But I hate every minute of commute and most of sitting at work. I think those people at my work at worst hate me (some told me that, but they did not state the reason as they really don't know me and I didn't do anything to hurt them even a little), at best they are totally indifferent. I could as well die there in the office they wouldn't even notice. I have no friends, no one really likes me and I fear that I am a really bad parent (single parent, father is far far away with his second family) because my depression and anxiety are affecting my child and I can see that. People either don't like me, with no reason at all, I am just unlikable, or they do not notice me, which is kinda worse. As I am older they notice me less and less. I suspect one day I will just disappear as person. I tried to seek help EVERYWHER, I tried, I really did. Meditation, neurologist, medications, therapists, sports, crafts, work, nothing worked. I am so incredibly alone. No one likes me, no one wants me. I even failed as parent and I tried my best. Wherever I go, no one likes me, even my therapist visibly disliked me although she tried not to show it. I was working so much but it seems there are no results, my work is never apprecciated, I even liked when I got negative reviews, better than just nothing. Sport I liked, but my stupid health issues and age are getting on the way more and more, it sucks all the joy from working out.
Men tell me that I look good, but no one ever approaches me. Even if someone does, it is just to get physical. No one wants more from me. They even tell me that. They don't care to know anything about me, they don't want any future but well sex would be nice. I am so tired.
I tried to seek help on different web sites too in oh so many ways. Again, no one cares. No one sees my work, my drawings, stories, no one cares if I write that I am incredibly sad and need, really need help. I am always ignored. I deleted FB, twitter and instagram accounts because there were no followers for me, and no one cared about my stupid "art". No one cared about anything I have to say, just like in real life. I do not exist. I could be prostitute maybe, because it seems, at least until I am 50 (which is close) I am only good for that.
Let me tell you, people do not like introverts and depressed people. No one likes me because I am quiet, sad and alone. I can not find help. I do not expect it here either. But I can say at least I tried.