Is it possible you're having trouble feeling accepted by him? Like you don't think you deserve someone to be nice to you and accept you as you are? And you can handle that when he's a faceless T, but less so when he seems more "human"?


Also, someone asked if he reminds you of anyone. It may not be that he looks or sounds or acts like anyone from your past or present. There could just be something about his being a male authority figure, for example. Or just "male who is older than you." (I have some male authority figure issues, so it came to mind.)