I believe hate to be part of passion. Normally we react very strongly to those we "hate" because, in fact, we are caught up in those passionate feelings. Passion does not always have to equal love. Your very last sentence/question of your post really indicated some hurt and abandonment feelings-- I think you should really examine how much you "hate" this T and look and what other feelings could be there. T vacations suck. They are so hard. Keep posting, keep talking, we will help you through.