I didn't want to. But I thought I would. Guess its like that 'if you love something set it free' kind of thing. I kinda came to an acceptance place of probably having lost you. We will see... Keeping up contact without a common forum happens sometimes. A lot of times. Most times. We will see... Acceptance. Acceptance is the key.

Sigh.

Therapy tomorrow... I think we have to talk about why we find it hard to talk. We find it hard to talk because there aren't words. There aren't the words. This heavy feeling. Sinking. Heavy. Sleepy. Numb. Makes it impossible to communicate with language. The pain is too much. I can't bear it without it overwhelming me. So the sessions are a dance around the pain. How does feeling the pain help? Just makes it the case that I need to spend the next few days in bed plagued by the sinking heavy numb feeling... I don't see what is to be done. Feel heavy when I think of going to therapy tomorrow... What is the point? I don't know. Wish he could hold me but of course he can't.