So...yesterday after work, I dropped off a prescription to be filled and intended to use it for all the wrong intentions tonight (according to the rest of the world).

After dropping the prescription off and before meeting my husband at the bar, I attended my first EA meeting. I was extremely leary of participating in this group. I didn't know what to expect. Would I know anyone? How much pressure would they put on me to continue attending their meetings? Would I feel worse when I left (if that was possible)? Would I end up balling my eyes out? etc.? After meeting my husband, I was planning to go to bed, get up, go to work, pick up my prescription and continue with my plan.

Ironically...today was the first day in MONTHS (maybe longer) that I have felt that suicide may not be worth it. Before, I had nothing to lose and only something to gain by taking my own life. I'm not sure what I have to live for yet, but this is the most hope I have felt in a long, long time. Don't get me wrong, that one meeting did not "fix" me. I just got a taste of hope again. I told the rest the members of EA that I didn't know if I could commit to being a member of this group and I'll see how I feel next Tuesday about attending another meeting. They accepted this so...........no pressure. Maybe I'll try it again.

When people asked how I was doing today I actually meant it when I said I was good!

I never did have a drink last night when I met my husband. It just didn't sound good.

No need to respond, just needed to babble for a while.

Later,
Slip