Hi all,

Apologies in advance for the long post. I've talked to my psychologist about most of this stuff, but I'm hoping some of you may have some more personal insights based on your own experience.

I'm newly diagnosed bipolar 2 with schizoid features. There's also a variety of other symptoms, such as some dissociative symptoms, anxiety, etc. According to my psychiatrist I test positive for schizoid PD, but for now that part of the diagnosis is only "schizoid features" until we talk about it some more.

For me the bipolar part of the diagnosis is by far the most important; being schizoid doesn't bother me much, but the mood swings are becoming almost impossible to manage, especially the depressions. What does bother me about the schizoid part is that I find it very difficult to completely grasp how the bipolar and schizoid parts work together. To me they seem almost contradictory in some ways.

For example, I normally prefer to be alone and don't care much for socializing, and I don't have nor do I want any friends. However, aside from the usual symptoms (huge surge of energy, euphoria, feeling like I can do everything, starting lots of new projects, etc.) I also become a lot more outgoing when hypomanic. I become way more talkative and social, have been hypersexual where I really wanted to hook up with strangers (though thankfully I've managed not to go through with it until now--barely), and I sometimes become very sentimental and feel a weird sort of "love" for just about everyone. I've been told it's like I'm drunk or something. I have a lot of trouble reconciling that social aspect of the hypomania with the schizoid part of the diagnosis.

I also can't really identify with what I hear from many schizoid people, that they feel no emotions inside. For me, while I may appear aloof on the surface, I definitely do experience a lot of strong emotions, especially when going through a mood swing. Also, while I find it extremely draining to have a wife + kids, at the same time I can honestly say that I love them, and I usually have no trouble showing them affection even though at the same time I'd prefer to be alone 90+% of the time. They are the only people I can show affection to, though. It's a dilemma I haven't been able to figure out yet. I have a strong desire to isolate myself, but at the same time I really want to be a good husband and father.

On the other hand, I think the schizoid features are also the reason why my hypomanic symptoms tend to be more inwardly directed than is the case for some of the more extroverted bipolar people. This combination of symptoms is making it harder for me to fully accept the diagnosis because I can't always completely identify with other people's stories. I'd like to get more insight into this because I'm already having a very hard time fully accepting that I'm bipolar, even though my mood charts, family history, and my wife tell me it's true. Somehow as soon as I'm euthymic I start thinking it's all in my head, or I subconsciously influenced the tests, or something.

Are there any others out there that have the combination of bipolar + schizoid PD and can shed some more light on how the two combine? I'm beginning to suspect maybe the schizoid part isn't true, and I'm just really introverted.

Also, does anyone have any experience with bipolar 2 turning into type 1? I've been having more psychotic-like symptoms lately, especially when in mixed episodes. For example, I'll feel these terrifying presences, become somewhat paranoid, sometimes have trouble knowing if my dreams/memories are real or not, and I've had very brief visual hallucinations (so fleeting I almost immediately doubt if they happened at all). Maybe I'm just imagining things, but I'm afraid this will only get worse, especially since I've had similar things happen in puberty, where I thought I was psychic and saw special meanings in everything.