This morning when I thought about asking my friend to hang out, a thought occurred. He'll probably just say "No not today, we hung out the other day, all day long and I need a break." I came to a conclusion with that thought. My friend is timing our friendship. Where friends hang out because it's fun being together and the amount of time hanging out is dependent on the fun being had. They never questioned the time because of the fun they are having. Which brings me to my other realization. My friend doesn't have fun hanging out with me anymore.....Since when have I started recognizing how much time we spend together and trying to keep track of it? Sitting here first thing in the morning, drinking coffee and wondering if he would be willing to hang out today or if he doesn't and what I plan to do today if he does or doesn't. Day by day. No future planning ever gets held to. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result...It's frustrating that in order to hang out, we can only be on days he feels up to it. To be fair I feel like hanging out every day. I don't have a problem hanging out. Any time I feel annoyed I remember who I'm talking to and I feel grateful and annoyed. Sometimes we get upset but instead of talking about these thing's he runs to his room and hides there ignoring me for days. I do recognize my words can be hurtful and actively try to work on phrasing things better. Is it unfair of me to think that friendship shouldn't need timed or does he not realize how frustrating it is to not know if today or the next day or the next we could be hanging out or not? Is what I feel valid or just some misplaced or mixed up emotion? Am I putting too much thought into hanging out with him and being needy?
-SBOtaku