I am not sure how I feel anymore. I feel emotional, but I think my emotions away. My emotions keep coming back, and I correct myself

I’m depressed, anxious, scared, traumatized.
If I were a child I’d be having a tantrum.

I am not sure how to express my emotions in a proper way. My solution has been to stifle. I’ve been willing to complain. I don’t really see a change to be had other than starting over or quitting, which is not a solution now or maybe ever. The choice I see is to endure and stay positive as much as possible.
How do i emote without hurting others or seeming dissatisfied?
I was religiously trained to be grateful for anything and everything.
And to have emotional control so god would know I’m wise and obedient
I’ve not been religious for ages, so this way of thinking isn’t helping anymore
I don’t know if I need a new process, or just a new way of labeling the process.

I want to feel free
I am so exhausted from problems
I want to escape to a fantasy world

I think I’m triggered because my daughters age. I can’t think straight
I want to emote but I worry i will explode or implode