A couple months ago, I told someone I was interested in him. It was a librarian. Older than me. He was so friendly with me. And I found myself becoming fond of him. He always seemed to notice me when I was there, and say hello.

Around that time, late September, I was very antsy about.....him. I wanted to at least know if he was at least single.

One night, something pushed me over the edge. A friend of mine, who I went to college with, who I had met up with around that time, and hadn't seen since College, think like 2004, sent me in the mail a CD with music on it that he had written for me. He had a note in the envelope that the CD came in. He told me when he saw me that I looked happy and beautiful. I thought he might have feelings for me before then, but I wasn't entirely sure. I don't feel anything for him other than friendship and that's all it will ever be. The music was amazing. I have to admit I just felt sad. Because honestly I think I was just having hormonal issues. I was so antsy and agitated about finding someone. And it just seems so sad to me that this would be my situation? So I did something stupid.

I wrote the librarian a note that expressed my interest. I put my phone # in it, if he wanted to reply. I sealed it in an envelope and put it on his desk. He wrote me back the next morning in a text. He told me he was married. He was so sweet about it though. He said I seem like a really interesting person as well and he'd be happy to talk to me more. But that he is married. He also said that he's like way older than me. Which means nothing to me. But really made me think oh man I really misread the whole situation. I was so embarrassed. I still am. I keep thinking about how I never looked for wedding ring. How stupid. He also said I made his day. Which was very sweet. And cool.

It wasn't even that huge of a crush. But now it's like every time I look at a guy I'm like oh he is probably married. And then I remember what I did.

I feel like I need support and kind words because I'm trying not to beat myself up but I find that it just creeps up on me sometimes and I still do beat myself up sometimes, like really hard.

If I myself, were to say supportive things to myself, and I have been thinking about some. I would say, you aren't the only person in the world who's never looked for a wedding ring. You're not stupid. Sometimes it just slips the mind And just because someone's married doesn't even mean they're wearing a wedding ring. They might not be. There's a guy in my Therapy Group who is married who doesn't have a wedding ring on. I was not around him that much. And I would get flustered. No time to look for a wedding ring. Of course I will always look for a wedding ring now.

And hey, there's musician out there who thinks highly of me. So highly that he'd write music for me. And you know, I was kind to him when I let him down too.

And I made some old dude's day. Maybe this is Some of the stuff that is what life is made of. it is weird, lol.

If anyone responds, please be kind. I'm still very sensitive.