I wrote the librarian a note that expressed my interest. I put my phone # in it, if he wanted to reply. I sealed it in an envelope and put it on his desk. He wrote me back the next morning in a text. He told me he was married. He was so sweet about it though. He said I seem like a really interesting person as well and he'd be happy to talk to me more. But that he is married. He also said that he's like way older than me. Which means nothing to me. But really made me think oh man I really misread the whole situation. I was so embarrassed. I still am. I keep thinking about how I never looked for wedding ring. How stupid. He also said I made his day. Which was very sweet. And cool.

It wasn't even that huge of a crush. But now it's like every time I look at a guy I'm like oh he is probably married. And then I remember what I did.

I feel like I need support and kind words because I'm trying not to beat myself up but I find that it just creeps up on me sometimes and I still do beat myself up sometimes, like really hard.