Perhaps you are right sunrise. I am really interested in finding out what my issue is so i can resolve it correctly. I dont want to find out in 3 years that i am bi-polar and they have been treating me for depression.

I also dont want to kill people and them find out i am a psychopath...

It is scary to come to terms that something is not right in your head... not so much as in like "oh no, i am sick" more like an alien coming to earth "oh no, they are going to lock me up and dissect me"

Anyways... so far I have had a psych council... been put in a day treatment for depression and told that I am just depressed and that i do feel things because I laugh and smile... but they don't see that I do taht all the time. I could be hacking their body up and laughing... not that i would, i am just trying to give an extreme mental picture.

I met with a psychiatrist that asked basic questions and really didn't dive into the bi-polar questions that make sense to me... i am finding that I am on meds and that i possibly am in a mania phase... yippie!

Anyways... it all could be in my head ;-)