I just want to clarify I do not self harm, last time I did was more than 9 years ago while I lockef myself in a bathroom for 30 days (I was 14yo). Rigth now I am a bit weird but I am not having any important urge. I am safe.

I just have the urge to do it when hypomanic (mostly from non sleeping enough). I often feel suicidal due to PTSD, some of my PTSD was causes by seeing a pretty violent death (lot of blood). I am usually scared at the sigth of blood, but when hypo I find it exciting and fun. I find it interesting to see my arm from the inside when my nuts is at it greatest point. Demons talk to me encouraging me to do it.

None close to me SH.